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  It was a difficult and embarrassing time for the young pastor, so much so that he could not bring himself to forgive that church member or the church board. Everywhere he went he talked about how he had been cheated. He brought it up at family gatherings, business meetings, and other events. After a while, people got tired of hearing about it. It was consuming the pastor’s life. He pastored other churches, but they soon tired of his unrelenting stories of how the previous church had cheated him and tried to destroy his ministry. Before long, churches stopped interviewing him because he simply would not let up. Bitterness controlled every aspect of his life.

  Eventually he retired, never having accomplished his potential in the pulpit. His ministry was crippled, and his life came to very little because he refused to forgive. In essence, the pastor had not only been cheated by that church member years before, but worse, had allowed the church member’s act—however wrong—to control the rest of his life.

  Which is worse? Suffering abuse at the hands of someone in the past or allowing that incident to destroy the rest of your life?

  In order to move forward, you have to let go and be at peace with your past.

  Some think it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.

  —SYLVIA ROBINSON, VOCALIST

  Is it hard? Of course it is. It may be one of the most difficult things you’ll have to do in your life.

  At the Apollo One monument at Cape Canaveral, Florida, there’s an inscription that reads: Ad astra per aspera. Translated, it means: “A rough road leads to the stars.”

  Sometimes I think reaching the moon is a piece of cake compared to the difficulty some people have with change.

  THE FOUR KEYS TO MOVING ON

  In my experience, there are four important keys to getting past your hurt, brokenness, and failure and moving forward. Throughout the book we’ll discuss each in detail.

  Key #1: Realize the benefit.

  Once you face what happened and acknowledge the damage it’s cost your life, you have to realize the incredible benefit of forgiving the offender(s) and moving on with your life. Letting it go and looking forward will allow you to focus on the future and begin making positive changes in your life.

  Key #2: Learn to live with ambiguity.

  There are no easy answers. If there were, life would be great, we’d never face any challenges, and the future would be rosy. To change means to face things we’ve never seen, visit places we’ve never visited, and encounter the unknown. It means a spiritual quest as much as an intellectual one.

  But most people prefer easy answers. Just visit a typical bookstore and check out the self-help section. The shelves are filled with titles that feature easy steps to financial achievement, trouble-free keys to success, and simple strategies for health, wellness, and fulfillment in life. Most business and even religious books aren’t much different.

  But life is hard. And somewhere deep inside, you know that all those simplistic approaches to life just don’t work—especially for the long haul.

  » SUCCESS IN LIFE IS MORE ABOUT ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS AND MAKING THE TOUGH JOURNEY.

  Don’t feel that just because life is difficult, you’re not on the right path. An old Southern preacher said, “If you don’t come face-to-face with the devil sometimes, then you must be going the same direction he is.”

  Key #3: Expect to lose some friends.

  The moment your life starts to change, someone—somewhere—won’t like it. Chances are, some of your closest friends are people who will never change and don’t like people who do. Your decision to change doesn’t mean others around you will do the same. But you have to be committed to growing, expanding your knowledge and experience, and moving to the next level in life. I’ve discovered that when some of your friends decide against making the journey, you’ll be more than compensated by others you’ll meet along the way—people who have the same interests and goals and who want to make a difference.

  » LOVE YOUR FRIENDS AND RESPECT THEM, BUT NEVER ABANDON YOUR DREAMS BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS LACK THE VISION TO JOIN YOU.

  Key #4: Start with a clean slate when it comes to “how.”

  Forget how you’ve done things in the past and open yourself up to new possibilities and ideas. It’s amazing, but I still encounter the well-worn phrase “But we’ve always done it this way.” So many people are locked into old ways of thinking, tired methods, and useless techniques that it’s almost impossible to get them to see the possibilities of the new.

  I’m often brought into an organization facing serious challenges, only to be limited by their frustrating desire to continue old ways of thinking. The truth is, if the old way of thinking worked, why would they need me? And yet they persist in doing the same thing(s) in the same way(s) but wanting different results.

  It’s ultimately about insecurity, and I could write an entire book on that issue alone. I’ve discovered that when faced with the possibility of change or a new way of doing things, people react in two different ways. Secure people react with excitement and anticipation. But insecure people react with fear and hesitation. Insecure people are the ones who drag their feet, “forget” to do things they’ve been asked to do, subvert meetings, and figure out a million other ways to sabotage the process.

  Perhaps you were told that you’d never make it, you don’t have what it takes, or you’d never amount to anything. Whoever told you that had no idea of all your capabilities, because no one can know the full potential or the full range of possibilities in another human being, and no one can tell for certain where your limits are or how far you can reach.

  You may believe in God or be an atheist or an agnostic. But I believe that you were born for a purpose. You were not a cosmic accident, and your life has not been a mistake. I believe that each of us has a purpose that only we can accomplish and a promise that each of us was born to fulfill.

  Turbulence is life force. It is opportunity. Let’s love turbulence and use it for change.

  —RAMSEY CLARK, FORMER ATTORNEY GENERAL

  As you read this book, take control of your own story and stop letting fear control your life. You are not the result of random chance. You are here for a purpose, and you’ll never experience real change until you discover it. Now it’s time to start exploring that purpose and move to a new level of confidence.

  » JOLT #4

  START AT THE FINISH LINE

  Knowing Your Dream and Destination

  A sailor without a destination cannot hope for a favorable wind.

  —LEON TEC, MD

  Shortly after college, I led a team deep into the headwaters of the Amazon River to film the work of a medical team in a remote village deep in the rain forests of Brazil. I discovered that getting there wasn’t easy or safe—in fact, the greatest challenge was finding out just where “there” was.

  We flew commercially about halfway up the Amazon River and then chartered a small private plane. I’ll never forget sitting on a beat-up oil drum in the back of the plane, which about midflight I discovered was filled with the fuel for the return trip! Between the weight of that fuel drum, our camera equipment, and the crew of four people, the small plane could barely take off. As we finally lifted off the ground, our right wheel clipped a tall tree at the end of the airstrip, and we all gave a huge sigh of relief as the plane veered upward toward the clouds.

  It was an exhilarating trip following the Amazon River from the air, and after a few hours, we landed at a remote dirt airstrip in the jungle. We then boarded an old river freighter for another long day traveling even deeper into the rain forest. When the freighter could no longer navigate the narrow waterways near the source of the river, we loaded the film equipment onto small canoes and paddled for a day.

  We finally arrived at our destination. The four of us had arrived at a place for which there were few maps, and what maps existed had little detail, markers, or points of reference.

  And yet we made it.

  We made it bec
ause I understood our destination. I didn’t completely know how to get there, and our methods of transportation were unpredictable, plus once we started we had no outside communications. We didn’t have many resources or much money. But we knew where we were going, and we understood when we arrived.

  » YOU CAN OVERCOME MANY OBSTACLES, AS LONG AS YOU KNOW YOUR DESTINATION.

  Having that singular goal made all the difference. The relationship of change to a specific destination is critical to understand.

  We all had goals in our lives when we were children. But life has a way of distracting us from our early dreams, and few of us could actually say we’ve become what we dreamed as children. In my case, that’s probably a good thing. Some research indicates that something significant happens to most people between the ages of five and seven. For some reason, creativity starts to drop at amazing speed. We start to believe that we aren’t really that creative, and I believe that, as a result, our dreams and goals begin to die as well. It’s interesting that right in the middle of that five-to-seven age range is one major life event—starting school. Is the switch from childhood “free-range” living and learning to one of disciplined, often rote learning responsible? I don’t know. There are certainly convincing arguments on both sides of the issue. But it does tell me that, as parents, we certainly need to reinforce, encourage, and celebrate our children’s creativity during those critical years.

  But what’s worse than giving up childhood dreams is that most adults lose the ability to dream at all. Somehow we believe the adult thing to do is to be grounded in reality, forget our daydreams, and settle for the hard realities of life.

  There’s no question that life can be hard. We all have mouths to feed, families to take care of, and house payments. But reality is a poor substitute for the ability to dream about the possibilities life has to offer and, even better, to actually experience the benefit of those dreams.

  Goals in writing are dreams with deadlines.

  —BRIAN TRACY, PERSONAL SUCCESS COACH

  Whenever I feel my dreams losing steam, I always think of Booker T. Washington. Because he was born a slave, his childhood years were anything but pleasant. The family’s farm cabin had no glass windows, and any opening to let in light also let in the freezing wind in the winter. The floor of the cabin was dirt. The life of a slave was backbreaking work that started before the sun came up and continued long after it went down again. Washington’s childhood was also lived out during the Civil War, which created turmoil, fear, and uncertainty in the lives of Southern slaves and added additional pressure to an already hopeless state of affairs.

  But in spite of that desperate situation, young Booker dreamed of an education. His goal was learning—real learning. Not just the ability to read a newspaper or dime-store novel, but a desire to learn science, mathematics, history, and more. Years later, working deep in a coal mine, he overheard some of the miners talking about a school five hundred miles away called the Hampton Institute. He immediately decided that one day he would attend the school, in spite of the distance.

  His dream simply would not die. As a result, he not only attended the school but was later asked to lead a new program in Alabama, called the Tuskegee Institute. He eventually built Tuskegee into a major college campus with more than fifteen hundred students and a faculty of two hundred professors.

  There was not one single thing in Booker T. Washington’s life that helped him except the power of a dream. Starting out, he had no money, no education, no training, no influence, and no future. He was just another slave among thousands, with no potential other than living out his life working in obscurity on a forgotten Southern farm.

  But the power of his dream opened doors, filled him with motivation, and revealed his true promise. Millions of Americans have been directly touched or indirectly inspired by his story, and this nation is a better place because he never gave up on his dream.

  If you feel that your situation is hopeless, just remember Booker T. Washington and start dreaming again.

  How do you do that? The key is to realize that goals are born in dreams, and dreams are simply the great what-ifs of life.

  What if . . .

  I could run a marathon?

  we could make our marriage work?

  we reorganized the company?

  I went back to college?

  I could write a novel?

  we could double our sales?

  I could get that promotion?

  I could find the right career?

  I could change my future?

  I could be a better leader?

  I could make a difference?

  Goals are all about “what if,” so begin thinking about the great what-ifs of your life. No limits, no lids. You’re not a beauty pageant contestant, so I’m not necessarily looking for “world peace” here—I’m looking for goals that you personally dream about.

  In the next chapter, we’ll look at the keys for getting the right goals down on paper. A list will help clarify your life. For years you’ve thought about dreams and goals, but few people actually get them into a realistic list. This is the foundation for your life change because it will jolt you from dreaming to creating a map to your destination.

  » JOLT #5

  The Power of “What If?”

  Expanding Your Vision

  Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.

  —GEORGE SHIN, PROFESIONAL SPORTS FRANCHISE OWNER

  The first stage of goal setting is the “blue sky” approach. Nothing is off-limits, out of bounds, or impossible—not one thing. This is your creative time, when you can dream about anything, and nothing is too strange or too crazy. Let yourself go, just as if you were that small child again, dreaming about what you’d be when you grew up.

  I always encourage people to begin this way because as adults we get caught in too many hang-ups when it comes to our potential and possibilities. We put too many boundaries and restrictions on what we believe we can do. It’s something that happens because of a lot of issues, like our misplaced idea of maturity, our education, or our perception that adulthood is about reality, restraint, and responsibility.

  But this is your time to dream again. I recommend you start by finding a place where the phone won’t ring, the TV is off, and the lure of e-mail or Facebook can’t tempt you. You don’t have to find a mountain cabin, but I do recommend you find a place that’s relaxing and will put you in a creative mood.

  Next, get a journal, or at least a blank piece of paper, and jot down some of your thoughts. Remember, write anything that comes to mind—goals to achieve and changes you want to make. Is your dream to be a barber or beekeeper? Real estate agent? Movie star? Store manager? Better mom? Game-show host? Company vice president? Screenwriter? College graduate? Stronger leader? Devoted father?

  From a corporate perspective, you might want to double your sales, increase the staff, become number one in the marketplace, or rethink your global strategy.

  Write it down. What about becoming an Olympic athlete? Put it on the paper. Think of any goal that might come to mind. New house? New city? New wardrobe?

  And don’t limit yourself to words. If drawing or even scribbling works better for you, then by all means do it. There are no rules or limitations here. Our purpose for the session is to get down your immediate thoughts, goals for your life, and areas you want to change. You don’t have to be terribly specific either. This is big-picture time, and I’m more interested in the first thoughts and ideas that come into your head.

  This is an occasion to expand your vision and stretch the muscles of your imagination. Millions of people are trapped in a self-imposed prison. They believe they aren’t good enough, talented enough, or smart enough to accomplish much in life and are resigned to spending the rest of their days settling for second best. As a result, they limit their dreams and live within the borders of a second-class world.

  » “DARE TO DREAM” IS AN OVERUSED PH
RASE, BUT I ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO IT.

  The only real limitations in your life are in your mind, so break those shackles and look for a farther horizon. Write it down and don’t let your past, other people’s opinions, or the limitations of your experience hold you back.

  It’s important that you do this exercise a number of times. In fact, I recommend this become a regular creative workout. It will open up your thinking to new possibilities and force you to question all the old assumptions that have kept you from considering new options and choices.

  I use this type of thinking in solving numerous problems and frustrations in my own life. Whether I have a challenge at work, in my family, or elsewhere, my first step is to look for solutions without any rules, restrictions, or boundaries. Forget reality for a moment and start thinking of potential options and choices out of the blue. Don’t worry about budget, time limits, schedule, or whatever has or hasn’t been done in the past.

  Some of my students and clients consider this a waste of time. “But we have realistic budgets and time schedules,” they moan. “What about company policies?” they plead. “We have to figure our company limitations into the solution.”

  Not at this point. This is the place where anything could happen and we start with a blank slate.

  Why? Because this is where the most innovative solutions come from. You don’t solve existing problems with existing rules. To do something new, you can’t keep doing something old. Thinking in old ways will never solve new problems. You’ll never be innovative unless you start with the greatest number of possibilities. Of course, many of your ideas won’t work, but you’ll never know unless you write them down and address them.

  And you’ll discover that very often the most creative and unusual solution will jump right out of that list, and it will be a solution that never would have been considered by someone whose thinking was restricted and bound.